Tequila Dick

In high school, I would write words, phrases, and conversations in my notebook in hopes that it could become material I could use for my short stories and novels. After numerous failed attempts to complete my fictional biography, I stopped. I thought I would pick it up again for shits and giggles. So here's a couple random conversations I've had in the last week or so.  

Me: Did you know that there's tequila that comes in a skull shaped bottle?
EP: It also comes in a penis.
Me: That's what everybody needs - tequila filled dick.
D: They're called Mexicans.

Me: How are you like when you drink?
M: My friends say that I'm bitchy.
EP: I think when we drink we become an exaggerated version of ourselves.
M: I totally agree.

Creepy In a Sexy Way

Attended another work holiday party. You can't go wrong with an open bar, mini crab cakes, and one hot guy in the room that you know every vagina is tracking with their peripheral vision. I admit, I did openly gawk at him while stuffing my face with free food. Best part of my day.

Chinky Eyes

At work yesterday, D told me, “Wow, you look good." I was actually very flattered because I rarely look good in the mornings because my eyes are puffy and my skin is a sickly pale color. She took a step closer to me and said, "Oh, it's because you have 'stuff' on your eyes." She was referring to my plum eye liner.